HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ISRAEL

OTP: We're here live with the state of Israel, celebrating its 54th birthday today. Let me see if I can get an interview. Israel, Ma Nishma?

Israel: B'seder (OK)
OTP: B'emet (Really?)
Israel: Ma Pitom (What are you thinking?) I'm in the middle of a war here - haven't you seen the news? Ashleigh Banfield is here. Personally I think she looks better as a blonde.

OTP: Aren't you flattered by all this attention?
Israel: No. I'd rather be competing for the Eurovision song contest, hosting a Brittany Spears concert, having a culture war - davka I'm busy trying to make it safe to go out for a cup of coffee.
OTP: Do you have anything to say to the world community
Israel: Yes, I'd like to thank the United Nations for not condemning me on my birthday.
OTP: Actually, that's not true - the United Nations Committee for Fashion issued a resolution condemning Israel for "its brutal violation of the Palestinian's right to dress in accord with their indigenous style, and excessive use of that tacky henna shade of hairdye"
Israel: Ma l'asot (what can you do). OK, I'm going to go celebrate now if you don't mind.
OTP: Celebrate? The Arab world has come out in force in favor of suicide bombers, the Europeans are threatening sanctions, your prime minister is being called a war criminal, Newsweek ran an article questioning whether you're going to survive...
Israel: (clucking sound) This is nothing - nothing, compared to what I've handled before. Who'd have thought 54 years ago, that I'd still be here, with a world-class army, booming high-tech industry and a bronze medal in World Championship Ice Dancing. You want worried - talk to my cousins in France. OK, I am done with this interview - it is time to dance!!! Tell Britney I'm waiting, she'll get a sold-out arena, front page of Ma'ariv...